I'm sick of teen drama. I choose to take part in it anyway, so it seems.

The firefighters hose me down
I don't care, I'll burn out anyhow
It's four-alarm girl, nothing to see
Hear the sirens come for me
You doused my soul with gasoline
You flicked a match into my brain

everything is topsy-turvy from here. I'm not sure if I like being upside down, but one day I might be able to appreciate the view. at least the soundtrack's great.

I am so careful not to say the wrong thing. then it just explodes out in little fireworks anyway.

*EDIT* I forgot to mention...I GOT THE JOB! at esprit, in highpoint. go me. that was yesterday's good news. there isn't really an equal measure of good news to go with the shit I keep discovering but I think it will all level out (for me, not wishing bad things on other people) and I think each day passing, even if I don't fulfill the study quota, is a bit of good news in itself. stress, begone!

also, to those special few: I love you. I really, truly do. you know who you are.
to the other (very) few: I do not love you. but eventually, I think this will go away. I will forgive. not forget but certainly, in the future-times, forgive. not yet but eventually.

that's a pretty special thing that I don't want to lose. being able to forgive.

+ I have moved into the caravan a week or two earlier than planned
- I am not studying enough (It's never enough - c/o the cure)
+ job trial tomorrow morning
- I think I possibly may have done a very stupid thing
+ walnuts look like brains
- I am now sort of maybe a tad confused
+ I like walnuts
- I got the phone call confirming that I have definitely changed the situation around
+ I have sexy new sunglasses!
- I don't know if I want it to change
+ Sami came and stayed in the caravan. youtubing Japanese gameshows and people being scared is HILARIOUS
- the above hurts your ribs. a lot.
+ Sami has a car. a car that she drives me places in
- she woke me up with an hour long pillow-meets-head routine and stealing of blankets. all because I'd promised to shop
+ I have a gorgeous new maxi-dress thingy. silk. I repeat: gorgeous.

this list thing seems to be taking off. I always write pro-con lists when I'm trying to make a decision. I wish I'd retained some of them to stop me from reversing my decisions. Time changes everything I suppose.

there is this really cool thing on iTunes that makes you an entire playlist that "matches" a single song. amazing. it takes all the feeling out of mix cds.

It's almost time for some more adventuring - of the swashbuckling variety!
the building is there, waiting to be covered in my little beacon of hope. It will happen!

I agreed to go out with him, after exams. I know where this is headed. I need to be a bit more decisive I think. there's time for that too. I was talking to him in the wee hours of the morning (5am). from the roof. I found out why he has a lisp.
that sentence made this whole thing bleedingly obvious. and now you're curious...

everyone must visit my caravan! at one time or another. just turn up at the gate sometime and give me a buzz. I'll let you in.