Robots Fall in Love

here we go

2009-11-22T12:10:44Z

I think it's about time I admitted I've slowly been making the changeover to tumblr.

So here is my key:

http://towerofwords.tumblr.com/

be kind. a lot of what's on there (contrary to everything I now realise the internet is about) was not meant to be read. hopefully it is pretty.

A Young Couple

2009-11-16T12:13:34Z

This is so incredibly beautiful. A little vignette of their life together. I can't wait to move out, into my own space again (even though I love what I've done with my room). I really do look forward to being able to live that closely with someone one day too. I wonder if that could be you, one day.

What is love?

2009-11-15T11:30:58Z

Actual children’s answers to the question “what is love?”  

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” - Billy, age 4  
“Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.” - Karl, age 5  
“Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.” - Chrissy, age 6
“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.” - Terri, age 4  
“Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.” - Danny, age 7  
“Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss.” - Emily, age 8  
“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” - Bobby, age 7  
“If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,” - Nikka, age 6  
“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” - Noelle, age 7  
“Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.” - Tommy, age 6  
“During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.” - Cindy, age 8  
“My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.” - Clare, age 6  
“Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.” - Elaine, age 5  
“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” - Chris, age 7   
“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” - Mary Ann, age 4  
“I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.” - Lauren, age 4  
“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.” - Rebecca, age 8  
“When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.” - Karen, age 7  
“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” - Jessica, age 8

Lisztomania

2009-08-11T17:08:19Z

Ah, confusion, old friend. You never seem to leave my side for more than a moment.
Always mulling over the pros and cons and perpetually indecisive. What I want changes so rapidly, from yes to no, maybe and back again. I want, I want, I want. I remain. Stationary. One of these days, I'm going to get one of those dreams. It will be amazing. Tomorrow, perhaps.
I am going to follow through. If I spend the next 6 months finding one thing to do and do well, I will be completely satisfied.

This cd was another impulse buy (rather like my now exploding wardrobe). It's very pop-y and I can't get this song out of my head. I love it.

Perhaps I should make a new time capsule and fill it with all the dreams of tomorrow. See which ones I stick to. Which ones happen.
Why can't I have my cake and eat it too? Yes, I want you. And you. And you. I want a warehouse. I want to make clothes. I want to write books. I want to dance until I collapse with exhaustion and faint to the other side of happy. I want to be an amazing lawyer. I want to succeed. I want to sit in sunlight and drink in the world. I want to be qualified and recognised. I want to sculpt the streets with my breath. I want to be a rockstar. I want to make films. I want to read every book known to mankind. I want to only have to sleep for 2hours a day. I want to learn to make coffee. I want to go to London. I want to stay here and sleep for years. I want to care more about some people and less about others. I want to make jewelry. I want to put you before me and mine. I want to do the things I love. I want to find out what I love the best. I want to be the shifting air of change. I want to be reliable and stick to what I know. I want to understand you. I want to see you as a mystery. I want to care about the impacts of my actions (which I see, I do see). I want to feel you next to me. I want to eat ice cream for every meal. I want to run away in secret. I want to remember everything. I want to forget you exist, that I exist. I want to know what it means to be anyone else. I want to rule the world. I want to be in love. I want to climb trees. I want to build houses. I want to stage plays. I want to be able to stand still in one place. I want to run really fast and never stop. I want to eat all the cakes and drink all the coffee of all the cafes in Melbourne. I do what I want.

I am feeling a little bit insane at the moment. I think the lack of sleep and not knowing what day it is probably doesn't help much.

all these things I've yet to do

2009-07-28T14:29:09Z

I can't think straight right now, so here is a list of all the things I have to say:

- My jaw is killing me. Pretty sure my wisdom teeth are trying to get out but they have nowhere to go. Strangely enough, I don't feel any wiser for it.
- I dreamt my mother died last night and woke up sweating. It was horrible. I called her as soon as I woke up, to see if we could have lunch. She was busy and bustling and on her way to a meeting - couldn't stop to talk, probably wouldn't even have a lunch break in which to coffee with me. I fell back to sleep, relieved that everything was as it always is.
- The night before last, I dreamt that my scalp was itching and crawling and trying to seperate itself from my skull. So I shaved all my hair off and went to visit my Aunt. Is it any wonder I stay awake, afraid to go to sleep?
- I tell myself to believe in us but I really don't know if I do. It's not fireworks and spontaneity. It's comfortable and stable. I'm concerned that this is not growing or changing. I don't...do this. I want to be able to. I want to figure out if that girl can be me. I just think my scepticism about my own romantic ideals is holding me back.
- I have eaten far too much ice cream tonight. Whose idea was it to buy a WHOLE FUCKING TUB?
- You're damn right I'm not the person to call or see when she breaks up with you. You called when I was with Nic. I took the call. I would have come to listen to all that shit, masochistic as that is. You left me for her, for a new start; to make a real go of it this time. Then she left you because you didn't care about her. And you come crying to me. That is in no way fair. And yet, I would have come.
- I didn't get the part. I didn't get A part. What am I going to do with all this time?
- At least we are ok. Is it too ambitious to ask for more?
- Ross wants me to play the lead. It won't happen for another 2years, if ever. But he wants me to do it. I love that he, at least, believes in me.
- Nic dyed all his hair red for Green Week. ALL his hair. No exceptions. I am starting to think he can be a bit of an idiot jock. I haven't yet decided if that's in the cute way.
- I'm really worried that you will do something stupid. You talk to me because I care. Because I know. Because I'm not in your circle of friends. And because I might just be your saving grace, whether or not you or I like it. The worst part is that I cannot just say "fuck off" and walk away. I will always be there. Even though I know you wouldn't do the same.
- New housemates downstairs cook delicious-smelling curries.

this is what we do

2009-06-17T10:30:03Z

Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie

2009-05-15T16:21:26Z

wow.

Too much to squish into one

2009-05-04T08:42:33Z

"The history of the twentieth century is the history of oil. Discuss. "

Suggestions? Comments? Entire essays?

I am your pamphleteer

2009-04-27T14:39:02Z

Noticing a common theme? I find these lovely little pieces of peoples' love to hold onto, just as a reminder that I'm not the only person who thrills with the entangled capillaries and symmetrical beating of stitched-together ventricles, the collapse of limbs into one self and the merging of words, thoughts, tongues and hollow eyes filing with someone else's presence.

I was waiting. I'm still not sure what for.
But I'm not waiting any more. I'm settled. I'm rolling on. I'm finding some thread of something to focus on.
I'm refusing to vest all my hope in other people. Instead, I've remembered myself.

Also: friends are the best. They calmed me down after I had a massive panic about possibly having to pay RMIT for a course I'm not doing (still not resolved as of yet). Gabi gave me two tickets to Katie Noonan, so I got to have dinner with Ainsley, Flo & Lin, then see the show with Ains and get drinks apres with she and Max. Way to make my day.

so despite the fact that people suck...they're also pretty awesome. sometimes. mostly. almost never. nearly always.

everything was beautiful

2009-04-22T00:33:56Z

He is so fucking beautiful. Can I keep him?

We went bowling last night. Best fun I've had in a long time. Limbs flying, pins still standing, talking into the quiet hours of the night. Cookies, baked fresh that morning. Flight of the Concords. Snoring shapes all through my little happy house.

I found my joy again. I'm not sure how or why but once more I don't need anyone else to quantify it. I'm untouchable. I'm loveable. I'm laughable. I'm free again.

I want to keep him. I'm not sure I know how.

nearly almost closer

2009-04-19T05:53:25Z

He can't spell.

As long as we're having a ball at the masquerade...

2009-04-05T12:53:37Z

I like the extra strength and independence I've discovered, recently. I don't like that this is becoming extreme, that I'm heading back to the isolated Izzy that supports everyone else in an effort to forget her own thoughts. That covers every action with a counter-action so as to remain a mystery and a puzzle. That makes people fall in love with her so she can turn them away. That can't stand the idea of being close to anyone. ever. again. That holds up a facade, different though it may be, so that the underneath might melt away and disappear. We all do it though, don't we? Hold up a mask in front of our face, that says what we want the rest of the world to hear. The special people are the ones that can see through it.

I'm so careful and considered about what I say now. I'm creating a persona, gradually. All these new people can judge me instantly with the few facts available to them. They don't say anything about who I really am but these small fragments of a person, the person I project to the world, the person I pretend to be, are enough to solidify friendships and create a perfect persona that people can build upon within their own imaginations. Do you really know me at all? Does it even matter? Probably not.

I want to spread happy like butter, to everyone and anyone around me. I want to give people hope. I want to show them they still know how to imagine, help them rekindle their youthful idealism and make them believe that anything is possible again. I want to show people that walks in the rain and true love and pancakes are worth valuing, more than anything else in the world. I want to realise and remember every day why I surround myself with beautiful, crazy, intelligent fragile beings.

I'm not who I've been pretending to be, these past few months. The trouble is, I'm becoming this other person I'm not sure I like. And I don't know how to stop it.

izasmiz @ 2009-04-03T11:35:00

2009-04-03T00:36:21Z

It feels like I'm drowning again. In the past. In the future. The now is not solid.

Gardenhead, leave me alone

2009-02-07T03:20:30Z

I am doing Arts-Law at Monash. I just enrolled.

and in regard to the tangled web I can't seem to help weaving....I don't know what to say. eeep.
perhaps I'll be a hermit. that might just work.

Chinese Children

2009-02-05T05:32:42Z

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say? God is in the House - Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

2. How would you describe yourself? See The World - The Kooks

3. What do you like in a guy/girl? Sleeping Bear, Sault Saint Marie - Sufjan Stevens (do I?)

4. How do you feel today? The Only Living Boy in New York - Simon & Garfunkel

5. What is your life’s purpose? Turn On Me - The Shins (goin' all Brutus on myslef or becoming a sex maniac. that is what I get from that answer. super.)

6. What is your motto? Neighbourhood no.4 (7 Kettles) - The Arcade Fire (because 6 kettles is never enough)

7. What do your friends think of you? Step In, Step Out - Weddings, Parties, Anything

8. What do you think of your parents? First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes (naww)

9. What do you think about very often? What's in Store - Architechture in Helsinki

10. What is 2 + 2? Don't go home with your hard-on - David McComb & Adam Peters (from I'm your fan: songs of Leonard Cohen)

11. What do you think of your best friend? My Ride's Here - Mark Zevon (HAHA)

12. What do you think of the person you like? Her Majesty - The Beatles (this is interesting in more than one way. news to me.)

13. What is your life story? Walk Away - Ben Harper

14. What do you want to be when you grow up? My Photo in the Newspaper - Kate Miller-Hiedke

15. What do you think of when you see the person you like? Sea of Love - Cat Power (naww)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding? Find a Way - Lavender Diamond (Find a Way to love)

17. What will they play at your funeral? What If You - Joshua Radin

(I wonder if you'd miss me
When I'm gone
It's come to this, release me
I'll leave before the dawn

But for tonight
I'll stay here with you
Yes, for tonight
I'll lay here with you

But when the sun
Hits your eyes
Through your window
There'll be nothing you can do)

18. What is your hobby/interest? Sun/Dirt/Water - The Waifs

19. What is your biggest fear? Blues Run The Game - Simon & Garfunkel

20. What is your biggest secret? Everybody Hurts - R.E.M.

21. What do you think of your friends? Coconut Skins - Damien Rice

22. What will you post this as? Chinese Children - Devendra Banhart

izasmiz @ 2009-02-04T23:59:00

2009-02-04T12:59:35Z

Tom Stoppard is a genius. I love my grandparents.

izasmiz @ 2009-02-04T19:18:00

2009-02-04T08:26:20Z

I cut my toe on a barbed wire fence.
I found out adrenaline makes me laugh uncontrollably and happens to be associated with select people and select memories, all of which come flooding back each time I discover something newly exhilarating.

I don't know how to tell vous I actually don't give a damn and I'm just not that interested.
I don't know how to tell tu that I'd really quite like it if you joined one of my adventures so I could write you into the pages of this book.

I went and looked at student accommodation today. It sucked. Sharehouses are the way to go.

I need to learn how to drive. Get that job. Do some stuff.
The more I say it, the truer it becomes.

Something is missing. But so much else is found.

cheshire

2009-01-08T12:54:42Z

I am a cranky cat. I wonder what kind of smile the cheshire cat had, really. A grudging grimace? The smirk of the cat that's licked the cream? A dazed and euphoric nostalgic-throwback smile? who knows. I wonder what kind of smile I have. who knows.

Joanna Newsom makes everything lovely. EVERYTHING.
There is a Joe (mine, not Flo's). There is still James Dean.
I'm still here. Waiting and running and jumping and swinging and still here.

Where are you in the world? How's the view?

I think it might be a marmalade smile.
I love my friends. I love my caravan. Immah go watch Requiem for a Dream.

Lady Marmalade

2009-01-02T01:52:11Z

I didn't sleep last night. I rode my bike to the Vic Market at 4am and had breakfast with the boys after work. Also, I now have a rabbit. She's running around on the caravan floor trying to decide whether to hide in the box or explore some more. Her name is Lady Marmalade and she is the sweetest, most timid yet curious gorgeous little thing you've ever seen!
However, although I swindled Luke into promising to look after her for the 2 weeks I'm going to Bali very soon, a back-up plan would be ace. Anyone reckon they can handle my bunny for 2 weeks without getting her eaten? Seriously. 2 whole weeks of adoring a little fluffy thing. You even get to give it back after you get sick of it!

Rebel Without a Cause?

2008-12-18T13:32:50Z

I met James Dean. Or possibly Chris Isaak.
This will be interesting. I'll keep you posted.
Alice Springs tomorrow! 6am wake-up! Yay!

Panthera Leo

2008-12-09T01:45:22Z

I don't believe in karma.
I believe in lions.

This one is for Flo. you may or may not find it funny anyhow:

izasmiz @ 2008-11-22T13:52:00

2008-11-22T02:55:45Z

everything is back in perspective. last night I said (to some people I'd just met) "I feel so...at one with the world" I was rather drunk. but the life of the party, which is always fun. and I think I just contradicted the first sentence. oh well.

also: he's gay. and dated one of my other friends.
I was in denial. now I can't deny it. damn.
I am somewhat jealous though. also damn.

we're never going back

2008-11-20T13:57:25Z

The happy, running-away pen says it all really.

we are FREE
to feel again, to run again, to lie about in the sun again
and everything is awesome
for once my optimistic prediction seems to be coming true

Also: my birthday party is very soon. if you have not been invited via facebook and you'd like to come, reply here and I'll send you the deets.
18 YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Bananas help me unwind; Watermelon makes it awesome

2008-11-17T11:58:32Z

One step closer to FREEDOM!
Good luck to those of you who have more to go (i.e. me :D)
and WELL DONE! to those of you who are flying off and into the world, fledging hatchlets or something like that...

this might be the beginning of something:

I spin, I mock in the lusty singing of
your eye, see the vein of truth running through
the cursive script of capillaries
that whisper with thickening beats

is it too dense to understand?
am I trying to pack too much into those few lines?
do you get any meaning from that pretty arrangement of words or is it too convaluted?
thinking about that is much easier than trying to puzzle out my inter essay structure...again.

I love Jens Lekman. he is a genius:

I think you're beautiful
but it's impossible
to make you understand
that if you don't take my hand
I lose my mind completely
Madness will finally defeat me

She said it was all make-believe
but I thought you said maple leaves
and when she talked about the fall
I thought she talked about the season
I never understood at all

Are musicians actually a higher life form? are they as marvellously talented, deep and pensive, as emotional and fiery and passionate and wonderful as their lyrics and flourishes suggest? or are they as fallible as every other human?
I think the latter is probably true but they definitely have something there, with this magical means of expression.

This is the song I always imagine I will sing when I leave my future lover:

Life imitates the forms we make
And so we fall into the vein
Eyes fold to the moon above
I see a face I hear a song

She's gone and I'm never gonna see her face again
She's gone again

time for a change

2008-11-16T13:37:43Z

today:
+ got new sandals
+ they are pretty & have double ankle straps
+ they fit my ankles!
+ got media practise exam done and dusted
+ pretty sure I know all the stuff I need to know for tomorrow's exam
+ had delicious iced coffee
+ got my contract & found out about pay
+ went for a bike ride
+ unscrewed-up my emotional syntax
+ got a day closer to the end & party times!

= I think I'm ready to knock these last few exams over and get on with it.
I remembered how it is to feel alive today, somehow. and it's beautiful.

We speak in the store
I'm a sensitive bore
and you're markedly more
and I'm oozing surprise

thanks to a softer world. for bringing on the LOLZ.